i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
