you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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