i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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