I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
