Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
