suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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