Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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