I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
