I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
