she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
