well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
