you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
