I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
