I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
