its not stalking. its research.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
