Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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