my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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