I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
