Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize