now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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