So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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