Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
