Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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