Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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