Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
