... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
