they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
