why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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