i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
