Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
