I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
