i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
