Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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