All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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