So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
