i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
