remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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