Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
