I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
