Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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