My hand turned me down
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
