I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
