I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize