you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize