i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
