Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
