im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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