No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
