ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
