Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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