Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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