let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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