I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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