And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
