I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize