and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
