so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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