the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize