Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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