Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
