And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
People with herpes should wear stickers.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
