She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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