i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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