So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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