You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
