Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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