I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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