Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
