I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
