there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
