I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
