you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
