Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
