I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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